Holiday Hell

Today on the blog, I want to talk about holidays. More specifically, the holidays and mental health, and of course, as a therapist trained in Family Systems, the holidays and family. Details of the story below have been altered for confidentiality purposes.

Picture a woman in her early thirties: a recovering codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleaser who dreads the holidays with all of her being. Yes, she loves her family, but no, she does not like her family. She is more than happy spending Thanksgiving alone in her small 1-bedroom apartment if it means that she can avoid them and the chaos they inevitably bring. A little about Julia’s family: Dysfunction. Mental illness. Addiction. Julia became a caregiver at a very young age. She was a parent before she was a student, friend, sibling, or daughter.

So what did we talk about in the sessions leading up to Thanksgiving? We talked about how, for many, the holidays are not fun. They are stressful and overwhelming. The pressure to be happy is annoying. Your insane family makes you feel like something is wrong with you. Especially when your friends and coworkers seem happy and actually like their family.

My cheat sheet for all the people who are dreading Turkey Day:

STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

My hope for my clients, my readers—really anyone and everyone—is to live authentically and comfortably as yourself. And with totally oversimplifying things, this means setting and maintaining boundaries. If you don’t know what this means, Google it. Read Boundaries by Henry Cloud. Find a therapist and ask them.

CREATE YOUR OWN SAFE PLACE

When I’m totally overwhelmed and hate life, I close the blinds, find the most ill-fitting sweats I can find, and cuddle up in bed under the covers. Oh, and I take my Shiba with me. This is what therapists call a safe place. Your safe place is your favorite nook, the kitchen pantry, the public restroom, your car—anywhere that offers you relief and makes you feel safe when you are frazzled, panicked, and feeling down.

If all else fails, go to your safe place. And if you’re in a different state visiting family, that’s okay. Safe places can be mental. Escape to the beach, the mountains, your front porch, or your favorite coffee shop in your head. And while you’re there, breathe and literally say out loud “it is going to be ok.” Bonus points if download Headspace or Calm, call your bestie, or go outside for a walk.

IT’S TEMPORARY

If you can’t set boundaries and you can’t escape to your safe place, remember that Thanksgiving is just another 24 hours. It will come and it will go. And you get to eat.

Sending love to all of you hating today and the upcoming holiday season—

Jackie <3