Quiet boundary-setting

I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries.

How many people know when they have to set them and even how, but feel resistance in doing so. I’m not taking about someone who doesn’t know that boundaries would be helpful. The person I’m referring to is fully aware that their resentment is a red flag that they have compromised too much of themselves, complains about feeling taken advantage of, understands “I” statements and the talking boundary, but their empathy gets in the way. Or perhaps it is conditioning from the past or even a trauma response. There is some barrier. They know better, but they don’t do better. They people please to the detriment of themselves. And they know what they’re getting themselves into but do it anyways. Like some weird masochistic response.

I’ve been toying with this idea of “quiet boundary-setting.” I liken it to the idea of quiet quitting, According to Investopedia, quiet quitting can be defined as ”doing the minimum requirements of one's job and putting in no more time, effort, or enthusiasm than absolutely necessary.” NPR offers another definition: “divorcing your ego from what you do for a living and not striving for perfection.” If we apply these to setting boundaries, is there a way we can do the bare minimum when it comes to being a daughter, mother, sister, friend and divorce our sense of self-worth from the doing for others—be it parents, kids, siblings, etc.? Moreover, is there a way we can set the boundary without having the hard conversation? Can you set a boundary without telling the person how you feel and without justifying it to them? Rather than a direct discussion in which you talk about how you feel, is there anything wrong with silently stopping the over-helping without explanation?

Let me and others know what you think.

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously” —@prentishemphill